Sadness
“Grief is emotional suffering caused by a sense of loss.” -Tim Clinton
Sadness and grief are not sinful emotions. They are normal, and everyone will face seasons of sadness and grief at various time in their lives. Scripture tells us that God is not disappointed with us when we are sad, hurt, and grieving. Rather, scripture tells us that in those moments God is close to us and grieves with us.
How We Grieve
There are 5 steps that most people go through we they are grieving or are facing seasons of sadness.
Denial. At first, we may be in shock at the news of a person’s death or other tragic loss. Our attempts to numb the pain feel “normal” because we want to avoid painful, present realities. Instead of facing the painful facts of our life, we say things like, “Oh, it wasn’t so bad,” or “I guess I must have caused it somehow.”
Bargaining. When we come face-to-face with the reality of our pain, the most common response is to try to swap something to fix the problem as quickly as possible. Bargaining is certainly a step forward beyond denial, but it looks for a quick fix, not genuine resolution. Sadly, many people never get past this stage and they stay stuck trying to make deals with God and people for the rest of their lives.
Anger. Sooner or later some of us will give up on making deals and we realize the full force of our loss. At that moment, we become furious at those who hurt us, at those who failed to protect us, at ourselves for taking so long to come to grips with it, and with God for allowing it all to happen. Hurt people are angry at every stage of the process, but in the third stage, their anger is intense and focused.
Grief. After weeks or months, the wave of anger subsides. Now we face the gnawing hurt that has been under the surface of our anger all along. We feel deep sadness, often bordering on depression, when we realize how much we’ve lost and can never regain. Staying busy distracted us and numbed us for a while, but in this stage, we aren’t using any anesthetics any longer. In one of the most poignant moments recorded in the Gospels, John tells us that Jesus wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus (John 11:25). The Son of God, who knew He was going to raise His friend from the dead, was still overcome with grief over the loss.
Acceptance. God made us with the capacity to grieve losses so that we can learn valuable lessons. This process can be excruciating, and there are no shortcuts. If we keep taking steps down this path, eventually we realize that the wounds heal, the brokenness mends, and tremendous lessons are learned—lessons about God, others, ourselves, and what really matters in life. No longer are we haunted by the pain of the past. We still bear the scars of those wounds, but scars are signs of healing. We no longer have gaping wounds that demand our attention and make us feel threatened by any and every bump in life’s road.
Tim Clinton, Chap Clark, and Joshua Straub, The Quick-Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2010), 161–162.
Scripture
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 31:9-10
Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
Lamentations 3:31-33
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
Psalm 119:28
My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Prayer
Lord, the Bible tells us that you weep when we weep and that you are close to the brokenhearted. Today, meet me in this season of sadness and help me to process the grief that I am feeling in a healthy way. Help me to not reject my emotions, but instead to embrace them and look to you in this moment. Help me to remember that you are my friend and that in my sadness you still love me. My hope is found in you.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Reflections
1. What is making me sad?
2. How do I typically deal with my sadness?
3. What stage of grief am I in?
4. Am I blaming myself for whatever happened?
5. How can I grieve well in the midst of my sadness?
6. Who can I share this grief with that I trust?
7. How does it make me feel that God is “close to the brokenhearted?”
8. Do I need to seek help during this time of sadness and grief?
